Thursday, March 4, 2010

Lil' Wayne's Top 5 Pre-Prison Plans

It looks like Lil' Wayne will finally face the music on Monday at criminal court in New York. That's assuming nothing crazy happens between now and then.

His sentencing was delayed after a fire broke out at the Manhattan Criminal Court building on Tuesday. Prior to that, his sentencing was postponed because he had to get some work done on his 'gangsta grillz' --- otherwise known as his teeth.

On Monday, hopefully, he will be sentenced to a year in prison for a gun possession charge in 2007. (I say hopefully because I would hate to see this prolonged for some other ridiculous occurrence.)

Dwayne Carter has already made the most of his extra days of freedom. On Tuesday night, he joined Nicki Minaj, Drake and Jeezy, performing his verse on "I'm Going In" at the sold out Jay-Z concert at Madison Square Garden.

He's also taken to the Internet. He recently started tweeting and he spent Friday night on UStream shouting out his fans and chomping away on some dinner.

But what else does Weezy have up his sleeve before he leaves us??

He's already shot several music videos that will air in his absence. So we can cross that off the list of things to do.

Here's a list of his top 5 pre-prison plans for this weekend:

5. Starts writing his "For Dummies" book: "Making a Rap Sensation for Dummies." The book, completely written by Weezy, will include chapters: "How to take a rich kid from Canada and a hoodrat from Queens and make them rap superstars;" "How to get your rappers on every song on the radio;" and "How to write lyrics for clueless wannabe rappers."

4. Sneaks into the air traffic controller tower at JFK Airport to give directions to pilots. "This is Weezy F. Baby, bitch, I'm going INnnnn!" The disturbance causes massive terror alerts at airports and results in major delays. Funny how that didn't happen when two little kids were up there recently with their father.

3. Teams with Wyclef Jean in fundraisers for Haiti. Wayne cuts his famous locks for charity and takes on a new look to go with his orange jumper. He also announces he's selling his sperm on eBay, allowing him to fulfill his wildest dream of having sex with every girl in the world. Wayne already has four kids.

2. Gets some 'nookie' from Snooki. Self explanatory. That's if he hasn't already. And if that doesn't work out he can always chase down Gabby "Precious" Sidibe. She'll be in need of some comforting after her Oscar loss on Sunday. He'd certainly go out with a bang!

1. Puts the final nail in the coffin of Gov. Paterson's political career. Weezy will hold a press conference at the Apollo Theater and announce it was Paterson who got him the gun. It will also be revealed that Paterson was slated to attend Weezy's concert with his son, but he got Yankee tickets instead. The revelation will force Paterson to finally resign.

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